Tuesday, August 28, 2012

30 Things You Might Not Know About Me~ Invisible Illness Awareness Week 2012

Invisible Illness Questionnaire

1. The illness I live with is:
Dysautonomia (dysfunctional autonomic nervous system) Dysautonomia is different for different people, for me I suffer with Chronic Fatigue, frequent Premature Ventricular Complex, GERD, Long QT syndrome, Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia and Bradycardia, non-sustained Ventricular Tachycardia and Orthostatic Intolerance. Dysautonomia is considered both a chronic and progressive invisible illness, which means it’s with me for good and can become more impairing. It took a long road to get pointed in the right direction. I owe a lot to The Center for Autonomic Disorders

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:

3. But I had symptoms since:

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:
I have gotten much worse this last year and I have to plan my day down to the details. One of my main conditions is Orthostatic Intolerance, I am basically not that tolerant to being upright so if I overdo things, my heart goes berserk or I have convulsions. I have to rest before and after everything. On a doctor visit day I can’t also go to the grocery store or I will for sure have some type of episode. Using a cane has been a huge adjustment; if I have to do something that requires a lot of walking and or standing I am much better off using a cane even though I am not 100% comfortable with it yet.

5. Most people assume:
I would guess that most people know how much I love exercising so they would never think I have a chronic debilitating illness. I am very limited to what I can do, I use a recumbent bike while hooked up to a heart monitor and have started Pilates with an amazing instructor who is also a nurse. I cannot stand up for long without passing out or having severe tachycardia so these are working for me. In general people assume if you look healthy you are. For people who know I’ve been going through something I would say they assume I have a heart condition when it is actually that my autonomic nervous system is not functioning properly. Another big assumption is that it must not be too bad because I went to the mall or worked out etc... I have good days, great days even, great weeks at that. Then I am in rough shape for a while. I don’t know ahead of time how it’s going to be or how long it will last but I assure you I do everything I can when I am good.

6. The hardest part about mornings:
The worst is having to start the first wave of medications on an empty stomach (barfaroo) and the kids wanting breakfast right away while I am still light headed and nauseated from meds. It is also very aggravating on Sunday morning when I set up my meds for the week, it takes forever and if I have a convulsions… well it’s a lot like a jigsaw puzzle I didn’t sign up to do.

I took this to show a friend how organized I am

then I did a jigsaw puzzle

7. My favorite medical TV show is:
I used to love House, not a huge medical TV kind of person

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:
On good days it would be my recumbent bike (I guess this isn’t a gadget), it is in my living room and if I can pedal I will. My IPhone would be my actual gadget, I am thankful to be chronically ill in a time when I can still have communication and entertainment even when I am stuck at home.
(Yeah Facebook and Words with Friends what would I do without those links to the world??!!)

9. The hardest part about nights:
Waking up with tachycardia or trying to fall asleep with Bradycardia, both are scary feelings.

10. Each day I take:
13 prescription medications (some are the same RX multiple times) and 2 over the counter meds. So that is 105 pills to potentially spill, yes I am still stuck on that. That was a crappy day.

11. Regarding alternative treatments:
I salt load but will need salt tablets soon (barf), I have to try and drink about 80oz of water a day, I have some compression wear for my arms and legs and when other friends with dysautonomia find something that works I give my doc a call. Exercise is so important; I now try to clock some exercise time in even on the bad days.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:
Invisible, the downfall is definitely harder to diagnose because for a long time doctors thought I was fine because I wasn’t symptomatic at the moment my vitals were taken. As it progressed it became painfully obvious to my doctors. The benefit was I still had time to deal with the diagnosis with my family and decide if and who I wanted to share the information with.

13. Regarding working and career:
I am a stay at home mom and have been since 2003, I volunteer a little less each year and that makes me sad. I loved being in the class room. I always planned on going back to work but with my symptoms I cannot imagine being a desirable employee. Some days I have a hard time with short term memory and recalling words, I have periods of time when I pass out frequently or have convulsions not to mention a lot of doctors’ appointments.

14. People would be surprised to know:
One of the big motivators to come all the way out of the 'invisible closet' is because I am on the wait list for a cardiac service dog!!! I think people also would be surprised to know 2 of my 4 kids also have an invisible illness. Oh and my family drove 14 hours for me to go to the Center for Autonomic Disorders... who goes 14 hours to a doctor?

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
I have had a hard time slowing down. My personality and chronic illness don’t go well together. In my head I want to organize, workout hard, volunteer, do projects go to the park and have lunch with friends. Making the choice of what the priority is for that day, and really not even one on some days, can get me down.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Working out the way I have been able to recently seemed like it would never happen for me. In the beginning my first EP cardiologist didn’t want me doing more than 20 minutes of exercise a day and it was like old people sitting in the chair stuff. Made me feel like I was dying and I was gaining weight. After 4 more doctors and then finally visiting the Center for Autonomic Disorders I was told I can work out and work out well as long as I am reclining and supported, that has changed a lot for me. I am now doing anywhere from 6 to 12 miles on my stationary bike a day and have started Pilates.

17. The commercials about my illness:
I have a whole documentary http://youtu.be/8UPMYNkm6Bc  CHANGES: Living with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. POTS is just one of many was Dysautonomia can surface.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:
I still miss exercising the way I want to instead of the way my body will tolerate; I miss just walking the dog without wondering if I am risking an episode of non-sustained V Tach. Also going out certain places without fear; like to a concert (which I am planning to do soon) is scary. What if I pass out, what if I have a tachycardia episode it is a lot of worry.

19. It was really hard to have to give up:
Being able to ‘do it all’ in a day. I remember getting the kids ready for school, getting dressed, volunteering, working out, hitting the store making meals and hanging out with friends. It’s a slower pace now and never enough time or energy to do everything I want. I also can’t drive for 6 months after losing consciousness, that’s a LOOOONNNGGG 6 months!

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:
I wouldn’t say I took them up because of my illness but I try and keep up with my Blog and I read read read! I love keeping track of my books at Goodreads.com and discussing books with friends.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:
Take the little kids to the park and play hard in the morning, have lunch and go shopping with Sierra all afternoon then meet up with my husband and friends for dinner, drinks and dancing!! (I really hope to have a good enough day for all of this soon)

Outside the Doctor’s Office

22. My illness has taught me:
If you feel something is not right with your body and you do not feel you are being heard or given medical information and support that fits how you feel keep looking. Don’t settle. I have also learned no matter how real your illness, no matter how obvious your symptoms someone, and maybe someone you love, will doubt you are really ill.

23. It bothers me when people say:
It bothers me when people ask questions from a place of doubt instead of curiosity.  ‘You can’t be that sick, you exercise so much’ or ‘you were fine last year (last month, last week)’or if I am having a bad day or week saying it’s because 'You worked out or went shopping etc.. and should have rested when you had a good day.' For some people I can never win.

24. But I love it when people:
I love it when people ask questions from a place of concern for me or curiosity about Dysautonomia. I also love getting calls, texts and playing Words with Friends, it cheers me up, makes me feel social. (Big props to my WWF peeps) I love a call for coffee or lunch, I love getting out of the house and if I can I will!

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
I did as much research as I could and I took ownership of this illness, because if you don't take care of your body, where are you going to live?
Karen Duffy

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:
You will find a new normal

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:
That I am beginning to find a new normal.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:
I am blessed to have a few.

My best friend having a natural balance to not treat me any differently but cut me some slack.

An old friend taking some time to catch up and be able to be concerned but still make a joke or two that lightened the weight of it all a little.

My husband explaining to me what Dr. Thompson told us; that my fatigue is not the same as when a healthy person is tired and that my body has a need to rest. Then he did the dishes…again

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:
Dealing with this alone, for me, is not the option I thought it might have been in the beginning. I want people to know what is happening to me, why I might have to cancel plans and why I have so many limitations. I also want to let people know that Dysautonomia is very real and not many doctors are aware of what it is, or how to treat it. Awareness is crucial.

30. The fact that you are reading this list makes me feel
Validated and supported, really I couldn't ask for more.


Anonymous said...

Carrie.... I need to re read and re read to fully understand but think you for sharing so completely and honestly. wow..... you are a truly a star... a brilliant shining star. Go on with yourself and keep on spreading the light.
xox love and respect
Mimi ( max)

Debbie Robinson said...

There may have been 30 things I didn't know about you, but there's one thing I do know: you are a natural-born writer. People who don't have arrhythmia problems don't know what it's like, but it's all -consuming (I had some transient tachycardia for a couple of weeks when I developed massive blood clots in the lungs from taking Yaz - thank you, Yaz!). Because literally you are aware of every single beat of your heart, and that in itself is exhausting. I can't imagine doing it for a lifetime! Keep writing, Carrie - and I will keep reading!

Anonymous said...

Carrie-I am happy that you have the correct diagnosis for all you have and are going through. I can think of nothing worse than to be or feel "invisible" as if what you know to be true and real doesn't matter. It does matter for all who know you -it matters to me that you have shared this very personal information. You share and write from the best place of all-your heart! Stay strong, be patient with yourself-you are one brave doodle mama and I am the lucky one to have gotten to know you. love to you and your family-Marilyn

Anonymous said...

I haven't heard of this before and am sorry I heard it through you,which means you har it! But you are so positive and have such a wonderfully, supportive family. I know that has to make your new normal a little easier to adjust to!!!
You're in my prayers. I'd WWF you but i would feel bad if I beat you! Haha...nah!!!
Christen Stasevich

Blake Borate said...

Carrie, so well written and clearly understood. I always thought you were amazing and now I am convinced of it. Thank you for being gracious enough to share this with us. I hope you don't mind, I'm going to share this with my brother who has an invisible illness. I think the most difficult thing is that it is invisible, a cast on an arm would get more understanding and support.

Anita said...

Girl omg I just was got done reading this and I wanted to cry, like i know you don't want pity, but I did because like I guess when you don't know and now we all know it's just a bit shocking. Because like that saying goes you just never know what people are going through. And reading this let's me take a step back and honestly realize that we all are different and people sometimes can look at someone and think that persons life is perfect or they have no issues you know and it made me realize from a military wife perspective we no matter what rank are all going through or have gone through our own challenges. And here you were silent and going through your own challenge and a lot of us didn't know. I really am thankful for your courage and how you have told the world about your condition. You are one courageous woman and absolutely one courageous, awesome friend. I know we are not close, but what I know of you and your family you are truly blessed with a wonderful family and a wonderful heart! I will be praying for you and praying that your condition one day will be cured! I am glad you are staying strong and it giving up! What an advocate you are! You have truly made people more aware of one that this can happen and it is a true condition and two not to judge or look at the person and assume anything because you never just know what their situation is. All my love to you and also to your family...

Lisa c said...

Beautiful job and I always enjoying reading the comments too. Be sure to link this us here http://invisibleillnessweek.com/submit-article/30-things-meme/ so more people can find it. bless you. I know it is so very hard to live with a daily illness.

Sheila said...

WOW! I had never heard of your condition. You describe it so well - you must have done a lot of research to understand all of the aspects of your condition. You write so eloquently and matter-of-factly too - no self-pity at all. I feel for you. I am so very humbled by your strength, courage and positive attitude. I am going to read up on Dysautonomia now because I want to know more. Thank you for sharing. Best of luck to you - I hope you get your dog soon. Take care. I hope to read more from you.

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